3 Things You Should Watch Out For In Your Relationships

This post may contain affiliate links. I will make a small commission if you make a purchase through one of these links, at no extra cost to you.

I’m sure you’ve heard the common phrase “Is the glass half empty or half full?” used as a rhetorical litmus test to gauge between an optimistic personality (half full) and a pessimistic one (half empty). Similarly, I’m sure you’ve also heard someone say “I’m drained,” “my cup is empty” or “my cup runneth over”, usually used to describe how they are feeling health-wise or emotionally.

Well, my hubby and I are (still) learning a third cup system that our pre-marital therapist first tried to teach us back when we were engaged. The working theory is that there are 3 cups in the relationship:

Yours, Mine, and Ours: The Three Cups that need constant re-filling

1. YOURS: filled by hobbies, friends, favorite food, self care rituals, exercise, time with other family members…

2. YOUR PARTNER’s: filled by their preferences of the above.

3. TOGETHER: filled by dates, mutually favorite restaurants, activities enjoyed together, trips… 

All 3 cups need constant, even, re-filling in order for all 3 parts to function optimally.

 

Have either you or your significant other felt low, tired, or spent, while the other is fine? Maybe you’re not enjoying time with each other as much as you would have if you were both feeling your best. Or say your individual work life is going great, your social life was booming… but you didn’t make time to spend with your significant other, and therefore you don’t feel completely full or satisfied. All of those scenarios are signs that one of your cups is running low and is affecting the others.  

It took Beau and me our entire first year of marriage to find some semblance of balance as we worked to join our lives together. 

We either spent too much time with each other (I didn’t think this was a thing when we were dating, now I do!) and ended up feeling like we were neglecting our personal needs outside of the relationship, OR we spent too much time apart: working, with friends or doing our hobbies, only to later find ourselves relationally disconnected (not a good recipe for romance…)

We seem to have found a good balance as of late, but of course, each cup’s needs can and do change often, so constant readjustment is and will be needed. 

As you might have guessed, I am a hard introvert, while my hubby is an extrovert. So, our cup-filling needs are almost opposite: I need time alone, preferably at home, to regroup & be quiet, while he needs to get out of the house and grab a beer with his friends or play sports.

It might worry you to intentionally spend time away from your significant other. It worried me at first! I thought couples spent all of their time together, but now I see that we feel closer than ever when we go off and fill our individual cups and come back to each other. You might think that your individual cup is filled by your significant other, but try to think of your favorite activities before you met your significant other and try them out. We are both happier, fuller, better people all around when we take care of our individual cups.

Beau and I have even found a couple of creative ways to fill our individual cups together: My hubby likes to play beach volleyball with friends, filling his social, outdoor, and sport needs, and I can come hide under an umbrella with a book if I’m needing alone time. Or I can hang out at the beach with a friend while he plays.

Another hack we found, thanks to introvert-saving noise cancelling headphones, is that Beau can now watch a show while we cuddle and I read. Boom. Divided household no more, multi-tasking dual cup filling.  

Ask yourself and your partner what fills each of your cups. Make sure you are prioritizing having an even balance. Check in with yourself and your significant other often. Some weeks might be all about one cup, therefore you need to re-group and re-prioritize the next week to balance them out. These are the perfect questions to ask during your weekly check-ins

As you become aware of what your individual needs are, you’ll start creating new habits and patterns.

Beau and I used to have Friday nights as our date nights, but we figured out that at the end of the work week, I need to regroup by myself, and Beau enjoys seeing his guys. Win-win cup filling! By the time Saturday morning comes around, I am ready to keep recouping from the week but this time with him. Then, it’s my turn to fill my social cup sometime that weekend.   

What fills your cups?

ps. If you want to hear more relationship hacks like this one, we highly recommend reading Dr.Gottman’s “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”. This book was the basis of our pre-marital counselling. It has changed our marriage, we refer to it almost on a daily basis!

 

8 Board Games That Are Perfect for Two Players

It can be hard to find board games that can be played with just two people and are equally as fun (if not more!) than with a big group, but fear not fellow gamers! We have diligently tested the games below for optimal fun levels, they are all perfect for two players....

9 Worthwhile Boundaries to Set With Your Quarantine-Mates

Lets face it. As much as we love our family, roommates, and significant others, chances are we would not choose to stay at home with them 24/7. Even while on vacation you can find a little bit of distance and time with other people. But alas, here we are! My husband...

3 Things You Should Watch Out For In Your Relationships

I’m sure you’ve heard the common phrase "Is the glass half empty or half full?" used as a rhetorical litmus test to gauge between an optimistic personality (half full) and a pessimistic one (half empty). Similarly, I’m sure you’ve also heard someone say “I’m drained,"...

The Most Valuable 20 Minutes for Your Relationship

Have you had a time in your relationship when all of a sudden you realize that even though you’ve been spending time together, you feel like strangers or distant roommates? It's so easy to lose connection in our busy world. We’ve got work, social obligations, personal...

8 “Outdoors-y” Quarantine Date Ideas

Here’s the follow up post to 17 Fun At Home Date Ideas, but this time I’m sharing how Beau and I have managed to have some “outdoors-y” dates during quarantine. 1. Play catch: baseball, Frisbee, football Even if you don’t have a yard, just a little bit of sidewalk or...

17 Fun At-Home Date Ideas

Just because we're stuck at home doesn't mean date night should be cancelled! While going out for date night is what most couples are used to, you can use this time as a really fun opportunity to try different indoor ideas for a change! Don't get me wrong, going out...

2 Comments

  1. Misty Delporte

    Oh wow, I love this concept! I’m excited to talk to my husband about it & hopefully put it in to play. Thank you!

    Reply
  2. Eva

    3 stars
    Its such as you read my mind! You appear to understand so much approximately this, such as you
    wrote the book in it or something. I think that you simply
    could do with some % to pressure the message house a little bit, but
    instead of that, this is excellent blog. An excellent read.
    I will definitely be back.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi! I'm Daniela. I should have a masters degree in research by now if google binges and devouring books counted… I love finding life hacks to share with others and happy relationships are my passion. 

 I sincerely hope you find this blog helpful. I’m full of tips and tricks to navigate this crazy thing called life and find the beauty in life’s many lessons.

Nice to meet you!